Blind Dating and the Such...

So as stated before Ive been trying this whole dating thing out.. Ive tried to be about not dating and living my life.. but I always find myself running back through this whole need of being with someone... While the most prudent thing for me right now is to focus on my future and all it has to offer.. I find myself wanting more and settling for less to pursue some pipe dream of love and happiness.. Case in point I was recently going through my old myspace blogs saying goodbye to them as I prepare to delete that page and came across this list... See if you follow.. this is the blog in its entirety..

Ok stop if you read something like this from me before.. stop now.. if youre tired of the usual this is no different than the other 211 blogs.. just a new way a new thought.. a new medium... youre still here? whatever dont say I didnt warn you.. maybe youre a glutton to observe the punishment i put myself through if so youre pretty sadistic...you may not even have to read anymore..
Still here Wow.. ok here we go..
In Search of...
Female..
between the ages of 23- 25
fun
smart
cool
music enthusiast
club enthusiast
Reads a book lets say once a month (on your own)
Knows the pros of headphones
knows way around nyc
late night party head
sarcastic
strong
spontaneous
can name more than one sublime song
can name more than one tool song
can name more than one wu tang song
can tell me the elements of hip hop
can lose herself in movies
understands why the deejay is god
knows who slug is
wants to see fiji
wants to see the pyramids
wants to be at ministry of sound
knows that a good sound system can make any night
can drink and not embarrass them self
can hold one self in a conversation
can adopt to the world around them
can accept others
can understand silence
can understand nonchalance
can understand awkward
can count to ten in another language
can laugh at oneself
I swear thats all i want.. But I realize she may not exist.. Ive been trying this whole dating thing recently and find myself.. hmm looking for word.. still looking.. bored.. maybe the word is thrown off... As Im settling into life I find myself looking for someone to spend time with..(preferably noone I know.. Im just not into them) Really just have fun with and the experiences have led me to believe that solitude is an awesome plan.. I swear I dont get the female species and as much as I think I do I find myself more and more puzzled... as the days go on I realize I have more female friends than I can count... and I seem to be their voice for opinion and advice.. but yet.. I dont get it.. I dont understand anyone.. Like you dont expect everything to work.. be good or what not.. but when your cautious about your decisions.. when you take the time to choose the right ways to go about things.. you feel its a better chance.. Whatever Im kind of done again.. I need to focus on other things or something.. I just find it funny how unappealing my personality can be.. You just never want to settle.. Im sorry this is random not thought out.. kind of all over the place.. and kind of vague.. kind of shot taking.. kind of impressive.. kind of one sided... kind of done..
Tolstoy said "If you want to be happy then be happy" I say I have two words to say to you and they just might be "Fuck you"

And since this blog was a year ago you would think it may have changed.. but it hasnt.. at the time it may have been written with a certain someone in mind but now I realize that my wants have not changed but intensified while still feeling like I dont want anything..
See but my issue is that I still find myself checking out the websites, and throwing my hat in the ring because maybe one day I will find above girl and we would connect and life will be like the movies and such.. But what Ive learned is that online personas are never the same as real life personas.. and the connection people who only deal within the online realm is starting to take over what a true relationship is actually about.. recently conversating with someone about a dating experience she had.. she mentioned how she met dude online.. and he took it real slow and precise.. finally they meet after long late convos and the such and really feeling like she knew dude.. once she met him he was standoffish and kind of played his role and left.. the date wasnt bad but wasnt what she expected.. i laughed and tried to explain that people are forgetting that no matter how well you know someone or perceive to know someone online.. that first date is even more blind than being introduced by friends.. the online affairs lead to expectations that are rarely met and most often unrealistic.. most assume a relationship before they even truly know anyone.. i dont know but its all been weird and i find myself laughing at the pace.. Like even now I catch myself often thinking wow shes cool I like her.. we connect.. and all this crazy logic talk I speak gets thrown to the window.. where as I really need to learn to take it even slower and really get to know what Im getting myself into.. Recently when out on a walk around date I was talking to someone I met in these mean streets of the internet and she was explaining her advice she gave to a young co-worker about dating.. and how she said that "if shes single, looking, no kids, no real accomplishments, and so on, why are you wasting your time? something is obviously wrong" I thought about that the whole time, it kept coming back to me while we had coffee and reminded me of all the bad dating experiences Ive had... and that became my new checklist.. Because too often you are finding the ones that wont even make that checklist let alone my view of my soulmate.. I dunno it is what it is.. dont mind my relationship rambling.. im just lost in this thing we call "the search for love"