Its like Bronx tale or some shit...

What was it that Sonny said? You only get three women in your life.. I always knew for a fact that I had my first two before I was 21.. Over time I begin to realize even more so how much this has been true in my life as I meet the random skeezer and what not.. Granted there has been some good ones.. but the greats is a hard thing to forget.. The major problem is I am affected too deeply by books and movies and I begin to think and act as characters or authors tell me I should act in my love life.. and the biggest influence has been High Fidelity.. See Cusack has always been my boy.. but that movie/book helped me connect further with him in ways Ive never connected with anyone before.. The idea of being torn up over how relationships end, and the immense feeling of guilt that it was always your fault worked for me.. Actually it made me feel not alone.. Because in my late teen years that was the perception.. See it didnt help that both of the "Great Ones" seemed to find their Soulmate or whatever that means.. and Ive gone from two significant relationships in the course of 7 years to 10 girlfriends 5 jumpoffs and and 3 more than one dates.. not counting the many single dates and hookups.. in the three years since.. Its been weird to be a part of due to not understanding this dynamic and really trying to understand how this happened.. While still maintaining this thought that One of those Two Great Ones will end up being the Ultimate Great One.. Until I found this following quote that is..

I'll love you forever
'cause you'll know me better.
For the record
at one time would've married you in a second.
But killed the rekindling dreams
but navigate the friendship
or else
by the time the stress
air out we'll both be dead and friendless.

- Aesop Rock 11:35

See what Ive come to realize during my many High Fidelity escapades is this need to maintain friendships with these woman but by doing so Ive ruined them by not separating past feelings.. Ive come to understand this in so many ways.. Especially because both of them are less emotional than i am and seem to have been able to separate such feelings.. Even though one doesnt really talk to me (totally acceptable I did her dirty) and the other one plays on my emotions but whatever at least Im letting go... At least thats what I like to tell myself today..