A Fucking Complex.. Seriously?

I think Im starting to get a complex.. Well not one or two but maybe three... It all has to do with Hip Hop, Work, and Social Status.. See working in hip hop and entertainment you realize what money really is and looks like... See people dont mind flaunting it and showing that they have it.. Not only that most of the money I see is the younger crowd the ones who are really spending it... The colors I see, Patterns, and floss, its ridiculous.. And then there is me in the corner dressed in the same thing I wore last week working 80 hours a week and hoping the rip in my jeans and hoodie don't expand.. Seeing kids like Rich Hill and some dude Spot, Watching people your age with money and shit with things you never imagined.. Like actually seeing people with body guards and butlers.. Its hard to adjust.. Also you begin to feel your position and your place.. You begin to realize how far you really have to go in the world just to touch certain things.. Its gotten bad man.. See I grew up in NYC Shaolin to be exact and style was never a big thing we rocked jeans hoodies and vests.. timbs and lumberjacks.. We werent dirty but this color shit wasnt for us most of the people I know still dont do this whole thing so imagine my surprise as I'm walking down 5th ave and I catch myself at Lacoste buying an 85 dollar shirt thats some sky blue.. I feel like I lost my mind.. And I know this whole 80's baby thing has something to do with it but I feel as if that generation skipped me by.. I really dont get this style trend thats big now.. Nor do I understand where culture is going.. Sometimes I embrace this hipster movement but at other times I catch myself hoping that Duck Down blows again.. Or hoping that people even like Lupe disappear.. I guess in the end it all comes down to economics.. I grew up in a home where we couldnt afford this shit and was taught it was a waste of money when there was so much other shit to do with money.. We didnt spend 100 dollars on sneakers in a year let alone on a pair.. and we got clothes twice maybe three times per year.. School Clothes, Easter Clothes, and Christmas as we got older and wanted that instead of toys and games... We were taught to shop economically like more hoodies and long sleeve shirts than jeans.. Two pairs of sneakers a year a spring/summer white shoe, and a fall/winter black shoe... For some reason these lessons stuck with me.. I remember the first pair of sneakers I bought for over a hundred dollars a pair of flights like four years ago.. and believe me I still own them shits.. They are in my work locker now for when I go to the gym after work.. But I catch myself self conscious about my attire, about my frugal idea of what something should cost, and how much I am willing to spend on each.. Ive begun to understand the differences in fabrics, textures, and quality, but all that shit still only seems like a cut above what you can get at any retailer.. I dunno man maybe it jealousy, envy, want, or longing for that thing you wanted since being a child.. Never had a pair of Jordans so now when I see them I want to buy them but at the same time I remember that two kicks for 89 is a better deal.. This leads me to believe I will always be a social outcast, the one who doesnt make it because he'd rather go to Vegas then buy some new jeans... But I catch myself daily looking in the boutiques on the way to work waking in and browsing before running out in a fit of common sense.. I dunno maybe Im just not that guy maybe I wasnt meant to be this way.. I think this is what separates me from most in my generation.. Whereas I like Lupe I'd prefer Doom.. Im more of a backpacker.. Actually I never am without it, or my headphones, or my hoodie.. I dunno this is no disrespect to the flamboyant 80s babies out there, "The Cool Crowd".. I just realized I am a product of my borough, my parents, my economic situation.. If you remember the 90's WuTang flossed but not like the other boroughs we were the gritty poor borough..
later homes.. On My Eric Benet Shit