808's and Heartbreak..

If you wouldve asked me a year ago if i would be writing a blog in support of Kanye's 808's and Heartbreak album.. Id tell you you was crazy.. If you would have told me when I first got the album and listened to it twice that Id be coming back to it once a day almost, while telling myself I really like the concept.. Id tell you you lost your ever loving mind.. But over the last two weeks Ive listened to it like it was the Qoran.. Taking it in and memorizing it to become a hafez in it.. I love this album.. at least i keep telling myself i do.. When the concept first hit, I knew I would like the concept but couldnt buy into him singing it.. which I still cant.. but something else happened.. I find myself again alone.. not heartbroken.. but alone.. in the matter of three days Ive seemed to lose the two closest people to me.. to uncontrollable reasons.. the crazy thing is as far apart each person is to the next.. the reasons mirror each other.. friendships that were casualties of heartbreak.. Its so crazy though.. Because this isnt even three days into the new year and I find myself more alone today then i felt almost all of last year.. and its only going to get worse.. last year when I went through a similar issue my attention and thoughts were already being stolen by the other party in ways that made me feel whole again, so when I got back one of my closest confidants pre summer it felt that everything else was just a bonus.. the issue as always is that my inability to resolve anything and avoid confrontation has led to a re-up of the same stupid issues and thoughts.. so now im friendless with no end in sight.. this is without mention of the friends im losing to relationships, age, distance, and personal reflection on said friendships.. Is this part of getting old? or is there something more at play?.. Is this what those people who lived their mid twenties always refuse to tell you.. how sucky those years actually are.. how the same types of friendships you had in highschool and college fall by the waste side as you get older... how being "friends" usually means more for someone and not as much for the other.. I remember last year I questioned someones friendship with me because of her ability to walk away for her own sanity and now i see myself doing it while she does it again and now not only does one question her friendship but he questions his own.. and his fairness to her knowing what she was going through.. i dont even know why i posted this here and probably will regret this in the morning but for now.. Welcome to Heartbreak...... (kinda)