"Still waiting for my date to kiss me or slap me cause there is no way I can be happy when Im happy"

Sorry for all the ben harper videos lately but thats whats been playing around me as I think about writing or write.. so i figured Id use the videos to show whats been playing as I write...

Argh, so as usual I disappoint.. I dont know what to say.. This one was probably the least intentional... I actually planned to go to this one.. I dont know.. Sometimes I think we arent meant to be around eachother... because no matter what I say she wont believe it or think that it warranted me missing her party.. and granted I realize I go to nothing but thats my life.. i always seem to be more busy than one can be.. and I am.. but for her its weird.. like one time I had a fire in my house the day of her birthday.. but honestly I cant claim complete innocence when it comes to these things because I am completely unreliable when it comes to certain things... but its not out of want to be a dick but out of complete no control over my life.. with working full time and taking at least 6 classes a semester im surprised i still write... let alone socialize and what not.. and i understand that for certain people i should make the time.. its just that its hard to get out of things.. I really never say no to anyone.. and even when I do Im usually punked into doing it anyway.. It just seems that Im losing a friend and that worries me.. later homes.. This is where the Myspace version of this blog ended... Lets finish it...
The reason I feel so guilty about this situation is... I still ended up in the city.. Granted I still didn't have time to go to the party.. but if i was going to go to the city I feel as if should have gone..but to be honest at some point i chose someone over her.. not intentionally where it was either or.. but I chose to spend the small amount of free time with someone else.. this is where Ive been called a jerk.. but in a way i feel like things have been changing and after talking to her yesterday I didnt feel as bad as I thought I would.. Im kind of tired of bending over backwards for everyone I know for no return of the favor.. This has been a long process but I have tried to maintain every important friendship in my life only to not get the same justice... whatever not important whats important is this has kind of led to this campaign of giving effective side eyes to requests.. I always feel as if I might be over extending myself.. which usually just leads to the thoughts that you tried to hard.. you always hear that phrase nice guys finish last.. truer words have never been spoken...