Ready?

Anyone who knows me in anyway knows for the last year or so Ive been on some type of romantic hiatus.. basically Ive been trying to go along without getting emotionally involved.. Over the last few years relationships have been weird and Ive tried to avoid them like a plague.. A part of me was caught up in the past and another part of me was kind of fearful that I was leaving the old me behind and beginning something that will change me again.. After the fire of the major breakup it took a while for me to understand who i was and what I wanted.. I felt the need to figure that out and along the way became someone completely different than I ever was.. I was happy with that.. Almost enjoyed this new independence.. I found myself happy to be on my own way.. Not really thinking about others while building a life built around me.. Ive realized as you build relationships your life begins to plan for two rather than one.. You begin to act as if there is an understanding that there is a future and it includes two.. You make sacrifices, and you make agreements.. For the most part these agreements are things you may not have made while not in a relationship.. these decisions are the types that impact your life and future forever and being the back to the future fan I am I never wanted to make the "sports almanac" mistake again.. See I thought I was alone in this quest and thought my life in sin was something only I was doing in my own secret world.. Until recently someone sent me a NYTimes article written by some guy going to USC talking about the end of the relationship especially in the young adult crowd.. He talked about time, effort, availability, and desire as reasons the age of the college /young profesional relationship began to die.. He mentioned the loss of the desire to date and more of the same talk why would you if you can just hang out at the house.. As I read his article I began to realize that this was my idea of why I wouldn't get into anything.. Why I was fearful of starting something new.. Everything I was looking for at the time was being provided without the commitment of a relationship.. The issue now is as I've gotten older and my priorities continue to change and mature I find myself wanting more of a companion than a friend.. This all plays into my whole friend dynamic with the male and female.. As I begin to evolve so do my motives and my options of course as a youngin you want those female friends to chill with but as you get older you always want more.. The issue with me now is Do I think I'm ready and if I am have I found that new understanding with myself.. I catch myself wanting what I've seen so many of my friends decide and wondering if its for me and if I'm making the right choices.. Because a year ago I couldn't imagine wanting to take my groups ski trip with someone else or wanting to make plans with someone for the holidays but now I find myself wanting all that and more.. Is this that point where the old heads tell you you're maturing or is this me falling into the trappings of a duel society.. I have no idea but I know that as of now I'm quite intrigued.. Later homes..